Love is Not Weakness
by Corey-Faye
Summary: This fanfiction starts with Season 3 Episode 1 and switches between Clarke and Lexa's point of view. All characters will be in character, though some situations called for some out of character actions. This is a huge focus on Clexa. Lexa does not die in my fanfiction as it should have been in the show!
1. Chapter 1

"I bring you Wanheda." Roan announced behind me. I continued my struggle in some hope that, perhaps, I could find out where I was and escape. I would never stop trying to get away from this man. Anger burned in my heart like a wild forest fire seeking to destroy everything in its path. Murder was on my list despite all that had taken place in the past three months. At this point I was tempted to make an acceptation.

However, nothing prepared me for the sight before me as the sack was ripped off my head. The forest fire inside must had found more wood to consume because my entire body felt hot, so hot that tears started to flow down my cheeks.

"I said you were to bring her to me unharmed." Lexa growled at Roan. He shuffled on his feet a bit before glaring down at me.

"Yes well, she did not exactly come quietly." He explained.

"I did not expect anything different." Lexa huffed. She glided towards me to what I assumed was an act to help me up from my knees but Roan stepped in front of her path.

"I delivered Wanheda to you, Heda. I completed my part of the deal, now fulfill your part." He hissed. Lexa looked as if she were about to smack him.

"Your mother has brought her armies to my gates and you brought Wanheda to me harmed when I demanded she was to be delivered safely, yet you dare command me to fulfill my part on a deal I enlisted? You're mistaken. I will do my part of lifting your banishment when your mother withdrawals her act of war." She paused in her fury to turn her attention to a guard near by. "Take Prince Roan to my prisons." The guard hesitated before grasping Roan's forearm and dragging the man, whom was in an angry shock, and showed him to the door. Once the door slammed closed, Lexa directed her eyes to me.

"Help her up." The remainder of the guards lifted my body to a standing position before Lexa slowly and hesitatingly came towards me. Her expression was difficult to read or perhaps that was the tears obstructing my vision.

"I'm sorry." She said as she removed the gag from my mouth. "I had to ensure that the power of Wanheda did not fall in the hands of the Ice Queen."

Lexa jumped back in complete shock as my saliva met her face. I didn't think about spitting at her but then again it did not seem like a bad idea at the time. The guards started dragging me through the door as I rolled in my fury. But, as she looked back at me after wiping her face, my heart ached a bit when I saw sorrow in those blazing green eyes. I choked out that I wanted to kill her but I couldn't get the power of the words out. They were more of a whisper full of regret.

The guards took me down a hallway with such force that my arms were aching from their grip. Then again, I had just spit in the face of their commander, an act that was sure to come back to haunt me in future days. Without words I was thrown into a room and left alone to my thoughts.

 _Strange_ I thought to myself. As I took in my new surroundings I realized that I was not in a prison cell but a bedroom, a nice one at that. The bed was covered in furs from animals I did not recognize and was bigger than any bed I had ever seen. There were tables with complete sets of food and drink scattered around the room with a roaring fire in the corner fireplace. Small and large candles littered the room, giving it a very warm and comfort feeling. The anger that once burned bright inside the darkest parts of my heart seemed to have been vanquished. I shook my head in frustration before reminding myself what Lexa had done. She abandoned my people. She abandoned me... No matter the comfort she was showing me now, I would not trust her again. She is the enemy that before long I would kill myself.

Even when I continuously repeated those thoughts to myself, something deep and hidden within me pushed itself out with the remembrance of the kiss shared between the Commander and myself. I had been developing feelings for the woman, feelings that not even Finn could awaken. She had brought out the fight in me in which I did not have before I met her.

I allowed the anger I was wrestling with to turn to sensitivity. Even though there was more in me telling me not to trust Lexa again, there was the soft whisper telling me to run out of this room and find those green eyes and the war paint that was always there. My feet began to carry me towards the door before any other thought entered my mind. I reached out and pulled on the handles. Locked. Go figure.

All of the running and fighting and self-battles had left me drained of energy. I wasn't quite sure about falling asleep in such a strange and partially hostile place but my tired limps gave me no other choice. As I headed towards the bed I ran my fingers over the furs, wondering who their previous wearers were.

"How did we end up here?" I asked the shaven pelts. I didn't expect an answer but for once no answer was the most comforting thing at that moment. I crawled into the bed, under the furs, and allowed my heavy eyelids to whisk me away into a quiet world of darkness.

 _Meanwhile, in the Heda's Chambers..._

"My Heda, the sky girl is in her room and by the looks of it she has fallen asleep." Lexa's servant girl said. "Will you be needing anything else?"

"No. That will be all. You may dismiss yourself for the night." The girl bowed low before quickly leaving the room.

Part of me was not surprised that Clarke had spit in my face. After all she had been through since I left her at the mountain, it was nothing shocking that she was furious. I continuously tried to justify my actions of leaving her to die by the hands of those awful men but the slight whisper in my heart told me that I had been wrong. As Heda, I had been raised from a little girl to always guide my decision-making with my head and never at any time my heart. But this girl... This blond hair, blue-eyed princess from the sky had changed all of what I knew.

She is nothing special. I should treat her like all my other subjects and enemies. Her people were no friends of mine and regardless of how infatuated my heart was with the woman I could not allow any of that to play a role in my life as the Heda. Right?

I must not begin to make decisions based on my feelings for Clarke. I must continue my duty as the Commander of the Grounders.

After wrestling with my thoughts and aching heart, I put my body in auto-pilot mode and went through my nightly motions of preparing for bed. As my head hit the pillow, nothing inside me craved anything more than to have that woman who fell from the sky to be beside me. Tomorrow was not going to be pleasant but I would take it hour by hour. That was all I could do.

 _The next morning in Clarke's room..._

 __A loud and sudden bang on the door jolted me from my thoughts. I peeled my eyes away from the window and prepared myself for what was about to happen.

"Come in." I choked out. No, I had to be strong. Emotionless.

What I had been both dreading and hoping for came about. The green eyes grabbed my attention the moment they walked through the door. They were not accompanied by the usual war paint that I had grown used to seeing. Lexa casually and confidently strode through the doorway before coming to a halt in front of me.

"Leave us." She barked at the guards. They were close to knocking the other down trying to get through the door first and closed it behind them. Lexa stared at the door for a few milliseconds before turning back to me. I cleared the mucus in my throat.

"What can I do for you, Commander?" My voice strained out. Dang, Clarke, get a hold of yourself. She's the enemy. Remember that.

"I have a favor to ask of you. But first, how was your night? Did the servants set the room to your liking? Is the bed alright for you?" The Heda questioned. I narrowed my eyes at her. Here I am, in a city that I had no desire to be in and standing before a woman that I had so much hate and love for, and yet she had the courage to ask if I was comfortable? The hate I had felt the day before awaken once more.

"What? You're serious? You dragged me all the way here miles away from home and this is what you want to talk about? What is wrong with you?" I could tell my choice of words slapped her across the face. She looked down before taking a step forward.

"You are right. That is only partially why I am here today. The point is, I need a favor from you, Clarke." She waited for my permissible nod before advancing. "The truth is there is an army awaiting an attack outside my city. They wish to destroy everything in their path and to kill me. I need your help to save both my people and yours. For I know that if they succeed here they will not hesitate to pursue your people."

It took me a few moments for Lexa's words to click with me. She wanted me to _help_ her? After what she did to my people and more personally me? I clinched my fists closed before I approached her. I didn't stop walking until I was only a few inches away from Lexa's face.

"How DARE you. You expect me to just forget everything that you put me through and more importantly my people just to help your people out? How could you be stupid enough to think that I would drop all of what has happened to help you. You can go float yourself." I went to shove at her chest but like lightening she grabbed my wrists. I stopped struggling when I felt her eyes on me. Oh, was it a mistake to look up into those eyes. My body felt like it had been dumped into a tub full of ice.

"Clarke, please. This is not something only for my people but it can also help your people out. I am sorry for what I did to you and no, I do not expect you to automatically forgive me for my actions. What I do expect is you to think about others before me or yourself. Please, hear me out." At the end of her talking I could hear her voice crack. The forest green eyes were filled with water. Nothing in me knew how to handle the powerful Lexa breaking down in front of me.

"Fine. I'll listen. But I can't promise that I will help. Start talking." I snapped. She gently released my wrists, walked over to the couch, and sat down. She looked at the floor.

"The Ice Queen wants my head. She wants someone else in my place as Commander. Normally this would not worry me because, in all honesty, it is not abnormal for threats to make their way to my doorstep. However, considering the history the Ice Nation has with the other clans... And with me... I cannot be too careful." Lexa drifted off as if she were lost in her memories.

"Wait, you've told me about the Ice Nation before. Weren't they the ones that..." I paused. Lexa looked me in the eyes with a nod.

"Yes, they are responsible for Costia's death. I am surprised you remember me sharing that with you." I looked away and thought over my next words carefully. This was not something simple as I thought. This was important to Lexa in more ways than one. I glanced at the door before I made my way to the couch and sat beside her.

"Okay. You have my attention. Tell me all that I need to know. I'm listening." Lexa breathed out a sigh of relief before continuing.

"The Ice Nation, as I am sure you have heard much about from Lincoln or Indra, is a clan within my conclave that do not respect the peace. They want all power to themselves and will kill anyone in order to obtain it. I have done well, if I do say so myself, in keeping them at bay but the past few months have challenged my role as Heda and they are taking advantage of that." Lexa explained.

"What has happened in the past few months that has challenged your role?"

"Making an alliance with your people was definitely a decision frowned upon and also being weak enough to... fall for someone. The Commander should never let his or her's feelings get the best of the decisions being made." All of her words flowed out like honey. I sucked in a breath. For the second time in two days the kiss we shared was again fresh in my mind. I swallowed hard before answering.

"So, this Ice Queen wants to take over Polis and the conclave all together? And later my people as well?" Lexa nodded. "Well, what do you expect us to do about that?"

"I have found a solution that I believe will save all of our people and bring the Ice Queen to justice. The Sky People, your people, need to join the conclave and become the thirteenth clan. Only then will we be strongly bound and be able to defeat this enemy." Lexa rushed out.

"Wait, hang on. You want my people to do what?" I stood and went to the window.

"I realize this would be a very serious and enormous decision for your people to make, but if you agree, I can guarantee your safety and theirs. Together we can defeat the Ice Nation."

I thought it over for a moment. I didn't believe for a second that Arcadia would agree to joining the conclave especially after what Lexa did to us at Mount Weather. What were the pros and cons of joining her? Most importantly, why should we to begin with? She betrayed us in more ways than one and nothing she has done has made up for that. No matter what my heart was saying, I had to listen to my brain for once. I turned back to look at Lexa.

"No. We will not join you. Not so you can parade around Arcadia and act like you own the place. You betrayed us. You left us for dead. Why should we ever join you and your fight? If the Ice Queen kills you, there's one less thing I have to worry about." Lexa was on her feet before I was even finished speaking. Tears were in her eyes and I could tell clear as day that she was trying her best to fight them back. The Commander never showed emotions. She walked towards the door and paused with her hand on the handle.

"Please think about it. I will give you a day to think it over and will return for your final answer." She said in a cold voice before exiting the room.

Think it over? Yeah right. It was time I should be leaving.

It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be to sneak out or perhaps I wasn't a prisoner after all. I had made it all the way to the first floor before anyone had even stopped to say anything. And when they did, they simply asked if I wanted a coat considering it was quite chilly outside. After declining, I continued my escape through the front door and out into the street.

What was before me took my mind for a spin. Instead of warriors all about, there were children and elderly people. Instead of weapons and fighting all around, there were instead market stalls and children playing in the dirt. People were smiling and embracing. Parents scolding their sons and daughters for not staying close to their side.

This must be Polis. All around me were banners and colorful pictures of trees, animals, and lastly, the Commander.

I started to briskly walk through the narrow roads trying to find some way out of the city. Corner after corner there were people trying to sell me things, taste things, try on clothing, everything you could imagine in a busy market area. I didn't get very far when I felt a knife on my throat. I froze.

"You did not think you would be seeing me soon, did you, Wanheda?" I recognized Roan's voice from anywhere.

"How did you escape?" I managed to say with the knife dangerously close to my skin. I heard him chuckle.

"Did you really think you were the only one that knew how to escape without notice out of the Summit?" He laughed. He twirled me around to face him, knife still in position.

"What's the Summit?"

"The Heda's quarters. The main building in all of Polis in which you just left."

I looked to my left and sure enough, there was a massive building reaching hundreds of stories high. It looked like an old Greece building judging by the style of the stones and windows. At the very top was an enormous bowl-like structure with a massive burning flame inside.

"If you want to kill me, go ahead. I have nothing to live for anyway." I whispered. In some part of that statement there was truth. I had nothing in my heart other than my people I wanted to live for but as I thought about it, they probably didn't miss me. Not after I walked out on them when they needed me the most. That was when it hit me. Lexa and I really weren't different at all. All this time I had been blaming her for something I just did. Maybe it was not a life=threatening situation but there was still pain on both parts. I looked at Roan.

"If you kill me you know that Lexa will be after you. She won't rest until my death is avenged." He chuckled once more.

"Relax, Wanheda. As must as I want you dead I will not kill you. I have a better idea. Just think, if Heda were to be, say, assassinated, all of our troubles would be over. You could go home and be with your people and my queen can put a Commander that we all are worthy for. What do you say?" He withdrew the knife from my throat and placed it in my hand, "Would you like to have the honor if ending Lexa once and for all?"

I twirled the knife a few times in my hand before setting it down on the bed. I had ventured back into the Summit and back in the room I had been assigned. What Roan said echoed in my mind. If Lexa were to be killed, my revenge would be complete. However, if she were killed the conclave would fall apart. But, how was that my problem? This war of politics served no importance to me nor my people. I picked up the knife once more. As I began to come up with a game plan, I heard a knock on the door. I quickly hid the knife in my sleeve before the door opened. I heard a few footsteps before the door closed again. My breathing picked up pace.

"Clarke, you asked for me? I am here." Lexa said. My chest was aching from the rapid breathing within me. My lungs were working overtime to produce enough air for my panic mode. I heard her step forward. "Clarke, have you-"

Before she could finish I threw my body into a spin with knife in hand. When I came fully turned around, the knife rested on Lexa's throat. My free hand holding her neck closer to my grip. This was it. I could finally be rid of the one who both abandoned my people and broke my heart.

I searched her eyes for fear and excitement built up in me in thought of her fearing my motives. I searched and searched but all I saw was emptiness. She had banished her emotions like always. Excitement grew into fury. My breathing could no longer be contained and had now escaped my lips. Lexa kept her stance calm but I could hear her breathing pick up as well. She looked me right in the eyes and said something I did not expect to hear.

"I'm sorry." She breathed. That was all it took for me to break and drop the knife. I pulled away from her and turned from her glance. I could hear her breathing even harder now. "I never meant to turn you into this. I'm sorry, very sorry. You are free to go. I will have a guard escort you home." I panicked.

"No, wait." She stopped mid-pull of the door handle, "I have a better idea."


	2. Chapter 2

NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: **I am terribly sorry for the late update. I had chapter two completely finished and ready to be uploaded but when I went to edit it, my computer had not saved any of my work! So I had to completely rewrite over three pages. In conclusion, this is not my original way of writing this chapter nor do I believe it is my best work since I had to rush with the rewriting process because I only had access to working WiFi for a short amount of time. Also, I know most of you might be wondering why no one has spoken in the Grounder language yet. Be patient and I promise that I will deliver. Please, enjoy what I have written for you all and if there is anything you have questions or suggestions on please share! Again, in this chapter everyone is in character but I added a scene in this chapter that did not happen in the show. Happy reading!**

I paced around the room while waiting for my mother to show. It had been two days since I made an agreement with Lexa that I would discuss becoming the 13th clan with my mother, who happened to be the Chancellor of my people, and whomever she brought to accompany her. A small desire within me hoped that Bellamy would be coming but I highly doubted that chance.

There was a knock on the door. I said enter. Two guards came in my presence and announced that the Sky People had arrived. I asked for them to be sent to me. The guards bowed, walked out, and left the doors open. I sighed. I couldn't pace in privacy anymore. I had to be strong and show no fear nor doubt about this plan of the Heda. Only a couple minutes past before my mother, Kane, and Octavia marched in my room.

We stood there staring at one another in awkward silence before my mom ran up to me and threw her arms around my neck. I hesitated before wrapping my mother in a close embrace. She pulled back first.

"I was so worried about you, Clarke. What have they been doing to you? You look so thin. When can you leave?" Abby rushed out. I bit my tongue when I was about to tell her my being thin was actually my fault of denying any food the Grounders had been bringing to me, and at that moment my stomach gurgled.

"It's good to see you too, Mom. Hey Kane. Hey Octavia." Kane gave me a confident smile but Octavia just glared at me. Possibly still furious with me leaving a couple of months ago. Who could blame her. My mom was not fooled and seemed disappointed that I had avoided her many questions. She pursued further.

"What has Lexa been doing to you? Answer me this time. Has she been torturing you?" She prodded.

"No, Mom. Nothing like that. They have actually been caring for me better than expected. I was brought to her about a week ago for safety purposes only. And that's why I asked for y/ou to be brought here to Polis. I need to talk to you about something."

I hurried with my explaining about the Ice Nation and joining Lexa's coalition. At first, my mother and Kane seemed to be surprised that the Commander would be brave, or desperate enough, to ask for our help. Octavia hovered by the door in cold silence. No expression. When I was finished, however, she was the first to speak.

"So Heda wants us to become the 13th clan only because she needs help fighting the Ice Queen? I say let's do it." Abby glanced at her.

"We can't rush into a decision without consulting our people first, Octavia. Besides, this could be a trap."

"No. You don't know the Grounders like I do. They wouldn't just offer us to join them like this if there were no probable cause. Plus there could be benefits with becoming part of the Commander's people." Octavia pondered. It was Kane who spoke next.

"That makes sense, and I can see some benefits along with this decision but we can't trust Lexa again. We made a deal with her before and look how she treated that." I immediately went for Lexa's defense.

"She had no other choice. I know that what she did caused us lives and soundless sleep for months. But like she said, if we are to decline her offer the Ice Nation can and will take over Polis and we will be next. This has nothing to do with Lexa. This is about protecting our people. Octavia is right. We need to do this."

My mom and Kane retreated to a far corner and whispered to one other in hushed voices. I took this opportunity to speak to Octavia.

"Hey, how is everything back at home? How is Bellamy?" I asked. She gave me dirty look.

"Like you care. You left us. We're fine. No thanks to you." She walked away and went to stand by the back window. By this time, Abby and Kane were done whispering.

"Okay dear. We will do this. Only for our people. If we smell any rat, we have the right to back out. Now. Tell us what we need to do."

I left the room with my mom, Kane, and Octavia and went to find Lexa. We ventured down the hallway towards the only place I could think of finding the Commander. Her throne room. We approached the grand wooden doors and two guards opened them for us. My heart jumped when I noticed that the Commander was perched in her throne, warpaint and armor complete. We came to a halt in the middle of the room. I took a breath.

"Heda, my people have agreed to your proposal. However, they have some terms that must be met before we take part in any sort of oath." I said. Lexa simply stared back at me before turning her attention on my mother.

"Very well. Explain these terms." She spoke in a stern voice. My mom glanced at my direction. I could tell she was still unsure about what we were about to do. She looked at Lexa.

"First, we have the choice of who we send to war. We decide the life our people live. You may be Commander but we will still be Arkadia." My mom demanded. Lexa showed a bit of admiration to my mother's bravery. Not many souls would make demands to the Commander and live to tell the tale. Except for Roan, maybe.

"I agree to these terms. Are there any others?"

"Yes. If we have any feeling of a betrayal coming, we are allowed to back out of the conclave." Kane stated.

"Impossible. Once you make the oath you are one of us. There is no backing out. But, if you have any doubts we may discuss it and come to a compromise. You will not be left in the dark in any decision-making. Is that acceptable?" Lexa proposed. Kane and Abby whispered for a moment and then turned back to Lexa.

"Okay, we can accept that. Those are our terms." Abby concluded.

"These are the terms. Once the oath is transacted you may not back out nor change your terms. There is one more term I would like to add, though. With your permission." Lexa stood and took a few steps down the short staircase that led to her throne. She looked at me.

"I would like Clarke to stay in Polis as an ambassador for Arkadia. She knows the most about my people and I believe she would be an important asset to the alliance. Second to Octavia, of course." She paused to show a smile at the warrior in the corner. Octavia seemed surprised at the compliment and dipped her head in appreciation to the Commander.

"I can do that." I agreed. My mother cleared her throat.

"Um, why does Clarke have to be the ambassador? Why not Octavia?" Abby questioned. I reached for her hand and pulled her closer.

"If there is any idea of a betrayal, I'll be able to see it easier. Don't worry, Mom." I whispered in her ear. She pulled away and made eye contact with Lexa, who was watching the exchange.

"Alright. Clarke can be the ambassador." She took a breath like I had done earlier, "When can we make the oath or whatever it is we have to do."

"We shall hold the ceremony first thing tomorrow. For tonight, Skikru may stay in designated rooms I have available for you. My lady servants will show you out. Clothes for the ceremony have been placed in your rooms. I shall see all of you tomorrow." She turned and went to sit in her throne like before. I followed my mom and friends out of the room and back into the hall. We followed the servants and one by one we were led to our rooms. I bid them good night before heading to my room that I had been staying in.

I couldn't tell you how long I stood at the window staring up at the moon when a knock sounded at my door. I peeled my eyes from the moon and went to answer. Standing in the hall in the dead of night was the Commander herself. My heart jumped to my throat when my eyes took in what she was wearing. Her night-dress was made out of a black silk that revealed her legs, shoulders, and most of her chest. Her paint and braids were gone, leaving an elegant woman in front of me. I couldn't help but smile.

"Heda, what could I do for you?" I stuttered out. Lexa seemed to have second-guessed herself before answering.

"I have something I would like to discuss with you. If I may?" I showed her through the door, closing it once she had entered. She glided to the couch and sat down. I followed suit, but instead chose the chair opposite of her. She began speaking in a low voice, I almost had to strain my ears to hear her.

"The Ice Queen wants your head. She believes that if she kills you she will gain your power as Wanheda. If she can command death, she will be able to take over Polis and there will be almost nothing I can do to stop her." Lexa whispered. I didn't stop myself from laughing, but quickly stopped when I noticed her expression.

"Wait, are you serious? Do you actually believe that if she kills me she will somehow gain my so-called 'ability' to command death?" I jokingly asked. Lexa was on her feet before I even knew what to think and had went to the window. I waited a moment, then got up and approached her. She turned to face me. The moon was illuminating her skin, giving her a warm glow. When did I forget how to breathe?

"That is tradition to my people, Clarke. When we desire a power or ability that another possess, we kill them and therefore taking their power as our own. You are known for your ability to command death, if the Ice Queen had her hands on that power, she would be close to unstoppable. As Heda, I have the expectation to carry out such deed." I took a step back.

"Are you saying that you plan to kill me? Just so you can get ahead of the Ice Nation? Is that what this whole 13th clan business is about?" I started to back away when Lexa shot out and took one of my hands. I froze.

"No, Clarke. It is expected for me to do that, but I could never harm you in that way. I have come up with another plan for us. One that will not only save your people, your life, and also my role as Commander." Lexa said. I allowed her to gently stroke my hand with her thumb before breaking the contact. She seemed disappointed but made no moment to force the affectionate action again. I pretended to had overlooked what she said about not being able to harm me, and instead asked a different question.

"Okay. What will we need to do?" I asked. Lexa went over to the couch and sat down once again. Instead of the first time, I sat beside her.

"Since you possess a power than many are craving, I have come up with an idea that insures that I have gained access to that power but also keeping you alive. I need you to bow to me during the ceremony, displaying to the public that you swear your power and ability to me." Lexa rushed out in once breath. It took me a moment to understand what she was asking. My head wanted to become angry and lash out, but for once I allowed my actions to be governed by my heart. I allowed myself to take Lexa's hand again and play with her fingers. I could feel her body go stiff, giving me full power over her hand.

"So you're telling me that the only way of saving my life and yours is to bow to you? Did you honestly think I would do that?" I asked while I ran my finger over her palm. I could hear her struggle for words. Who knew playing with someone's hand could gain so much response?

"If you understood why you had to complete that task, yes." She murmured. I frowned.

"I guess it makes sense. But this doesn't affect the terms on the agreement, does it?" She shook her head.

"No. This is only for something personal. For me. For you. I need to know if your life will be safe." I stopped playing with her hand and got up. I paced for a bit, pondering every pro and con for this arrangement. I came to my conclusion.

"Alright. I'll do it. Only because you said it is the only way we can save our lives."

After a brief discussion on what I would need to wear to the ceremony and going over basic traditional actions for the Grounders, I bid Lexa a good night and quietly closed the door behind her. I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.

The sun had only began to rise when a servant entered my room. She bowed low then explained that she was there to prepare me for the ceremony. She couldn't be older than ten years of age. Her dark black hair hung to her shoulder blades. No braids. No tattoos.

She drew me a bath and stood waiting while I washed myself. Her eyes stayed low and her hands clasped in front of her stomach. I grew curious about this girl.

"What's your name?" I prodded. She glanced up, unclasped her hands and put them to her sides, and then spoke.

"Ezra, Wanheda." She spoke with purpose and then resumed her past position. My heart ached for the girl for such an unknown reason.

"Hey, there's no reason for that. You can relax around me." I said gently. She shook her head and remained silent. I noticed her hands were shaking a bit.

"Why are you shaking, Ezra? It isn't cold in here." I questioned further. She took up her "speaking" position.

"I am afraid of you, Wanheda. I have heard of your past actions and they frighten me. I do not wish to offend you. Please, enjoy your bath. I will fetch your clothing." She bowed low again and briskly walked out the bathroom. I sat stunned in my bath. This little girl whom I had never met was afraid of me. All because of what I did at Mount Weather. I felt my insides cave in. When would these memories be forgotten? I felt tears form in my eyes. Ezra entered the bathroom once again and requested I get out so she could dress me.

I tried finding the words that I could say to comfort Ezra, but nothing in me could summon the words. Instead, I allowed her to dress me in a dark green gown. She then proceeded to braid my hair in extravagant loops. She had me sit in a chair while she gently painted on my face. When she was finished, I looked in the mirror. If I didn't know any better, I wouldn't have recognized myself. My hair was pulled back so you could see my face. Around my eyes were green wings reaching the sides of my temples, making my blue eyes pop. My lips were covered in red paint that I assumed was their version of lipstick. I made a mental note not to lick my lips.

I heard music starting on the floor above me. It sounded like a woman singing with drums lightly being played in the background. Ezra cleared her throat.

"Wanheda, the ceremony has begun. Please allow me to escort you to the Heda's throne room."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I am excited to announce that I will be continuing this Fanfiction! I had many thoughts and brainstorming on where I would like to carry this story and I believe I have come up with what I would like to do. I also had many people asking me to continue this because they simply wanted to see more of my writing style. Also, another note about the Trigedasleng language.. I'm not sure if I will be using that for the simple fact that I don't want you guys having to guess or scroll down to the end of the work to see the translations. Another also, because I really don't know much of the language because it's been a while since I've delve deep into The 100. Without further ado, here is the OFFICIAL chapter three and continuation of "Love is Not Weakness"!**

I felt my heart painfully pounding in my chest as I followed Ezra down a series of hallways before coming to a place I was familiar with: The Commander's throne room. Ezra bowed low before going back the way we came. I stood at the door in nervous silence. I could hear a woman's voice singing in Trigedasleng along with drums softly playing in the background. Making a mental note to ask Lexa what the woman was singing, I continued to wait for the doors to be opened.

It wasn't much longer before the doors swung open and revealed a room full of all the ambassadors of the other clans along with people from Arkadia. I threw my shoulders back, held my head high, and started walking down the red rug that led to the Commander. My breath caught in my throat when my eyes locked with hers. She was more beautiful tonight than I had ever seen her, if that was possible. She was wearing a long dress gown with her typical Commander cloak draped across one shoulder. She had the same design in her makeup as myself except her colors were black and gray. Her hair hung in her usual braids.

When I reached the foot of her throne, I stole another glance into her eyes before slowly bowing to one knee in front of Lexa. I made sure to have my head low and eyes closed. As the woman stopped singing and the music ceased to play, I could hear other knees hit the floor as the entire room bowed before the Commander. I tried to remember how to breathe.

"Rise." Came Lexa's authoritative voice. The room stood to its feet. She looked around the room, careful to meet every other pair of eyes before continuing. "We have gathered tonight in celebration of the surrender of Wanheda's power to me and the joining of the 13th clan. With these new assets to the Coalition, we will be much stronger and able to stand against the trying times of this planet. The 13th clan has agreed to surrender their knowledge and warriors, to become our people. Together we will be unstoppable when enemies decide to come knocking at our door." She shouted with power. The room surprisingly erupted in shouts and pounding of fists in the air.

"To complete the ceremony, the leader of the 13th clan must bear our mark. A sign of their agreement to our people." A man dressed in black robes stepped forward with a long pole with steam rising off its end. Kane looked at my mother before coming to stand in front of the man. The man pulled Kane's sleeve back and pushed the end of the pole to his forearm. I could see Kane jerk when the brand hit him, but was thankful that he took it with a bow to Lexa. When the man took away the pole and all the people in the room shouted once more, Lexa looked down at me.

"Tonight we will feast in the 13th clan's honor and acceptance into our Coalition. Wanheda, if you would." I nodded before turning to the room and taking a deep breath.

"I, Wanheda, recognize the power and authority of the Commander. My power is her power. My life is for her service for as long as she rules." I turned back to Lexa. "Long live the Commander."

The room chanted my last phrase with pounding of feet and grasping of Lexa's cloak as she marched by and out of the room, leading the way to the dining hall for the night's feast. When the room cleared, my mother and Kane came to me.

"That wasn't so bad." I stated. I looked at Kane. "How does your arm feel?" He pulled down his sleeve.

"I've been through worse, wouldn't you agree?" He chuckled.

"I guess we should go join the feast." My mom said while turning to head out the room. I furrowed my brow in confusion. Kane cleared his throat.

"It will take some time for all of us to become used to being part of Lexa's Coalition. Your mother is just worried for your safety. After all, we all thought you were dead." He patted my shoulder before following my mom, leaving me standing alone in the throne room.

Instead of joining everyone down at the feast hall, I went to my room. Although I hadn't been through much that day, my body felt drained and my mind even so. I stripped off my clothes and slipped into the bath. Ezra was there as usual, I assumed she had stayed in my room during the ceremony. She was busying herself with my clothes when I spoke up.

"I wish I had never taken down the mountain. Part of me wishes the Commander could've taken care of it herself and leave my people out of it." I rested my head on the back of the tub and closed my eyes, feeling slightly better having that off my chest. I didn't expect Ezra to say anything, but I heard her pull a chair to my tub and take a seat. I opened my eyes to see her looking down at me with caring expression, apparently the pain in my face was easier to read than I thought.

"Only a monster kills a person without feeling remorse. The mountain men were killing my people and we have feared them for many, many years. Though I hated them and wished them dead, I cannot imagine what it must feel like to carry so many deaths in my hands. You may be Wanheda to my people, but that does not mean you cannot be a simple human to yours and to the Commander and that you have to live up to that title all your days. I can see the respect she has for you. She has taken many lives herself for the sake of her people, but even someone as powerful as our Heda falls to remorse when having to take a life. Like yourself, she is no monster. She simply accepted her responsibility and past actions and has moved on. It may take time to heal, but do not accept the false idea that the hope will never come."

I sat in stunned silence as Ezra rested her hand on my shoulder before rising to finish her duties. I licked my lips. "Thank you, Ezra. You have no idea how much that means to me. I have tried being strong for my people for so long, I guess I've forgotten that it's okay to feel bad and accept that some things just have to be done." She glanced at me and smiled.

"I am afraid of you still, but that is not because of your killing of hundreds of people in the mountain. It is because you have no boundaries when it comes to saving your people, and now my people. Your love for them pushes you to commit even the hardest of sins: murder. I do not wish to cross paths with that wraith." She smiled once more, laid out my clothes, and left without another word.

My heart felt lighter that night as I readied myself for bed. Ezra had given me hope that maybe some day I could eventually heal from my past actions. Though, with this new-found hope it also told me that I needed to forgive the Heda for her past actions as well. While thinking that, there was a knock on the door. I knew who it was.

"Come in." I could feel the eyes on me as the door opened and shut. I turned to look at the Commander. Her makeup and braids were gone, and her gown was replaced with pants and a baggy shirt. I couldn't stop myself from smiling at her new outfit.

"I wanted to thank you for all that you did today, Clarke." Lexa whispered. I blinked in surprise.

"I was just doing what was right for my people." I simply stated.

"Our people." She corrected. Yes, our people now. I took a step forward.

"We may be connected by people now, but if you betray me again-" I started.

"I won't." She breathed before falling to her knees. My eyes widened in shock as a looked down at the woman kneeling in front of me. Her eyes were locked on mine.

"I swear fealty to you, Klark com Skikru. I vow to treat your needs as my own, and your people as my people." I didn't hesitate as I reached down for her hand and helping her to her feet. Yeah, I was still slightly distant from the Commander, but after her humble vow and bowing, I could tell that I was not alone with wanting to fix past mistakes and move to a better future.

Days became weeks as I busied myself with my new life in Polis. The weather had grown colder. I had accepted the offer to begin studying healing under one of the healers in the city. She was quite the woman, her attitude and abilities known throughout the clans. She was the personal healer of the Commander herself, and that was something I made a mental note to remember. I had also begun training physically under one of the warriors that was stationed at Polis at all times. He was definitely someone worthy of respect, especially if he was willing to train such a terrible fighter such as myself.

It was in the middle of the week during one of my training sessions with Tyson, the warrior I was assigned to train with, when I received word from Lexa. I had not seen the Commander alone since the night she bowed to me and I guessed that was because of all the political business going on with Arkadia becoming the 13th clan. She had went to visit my old home twice in the past few weeks and even though I had asked to tag along with her, she strongly insisted I stay in Polis. I understood that was because the Ice Queen was still hot on my trail for my power even though I had "surrendered" it to Lexa.

My thoughts were interrupted when the butt of a sword caught my mouth and knocked me to the ground. I spit out blood and glared at Tyson. He smiled and then offered me a hand.

"Never become distracted during a fight. That is the perfect opportunity for your enemy to take you down." He huffed. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a rag, which he handed to me to wipe my mouth. It was then that the messenger from Lexa came to me.

"Wanheda, there is a message from the Commander. She wishes to see her in the throne room as soon as your able." The boy said. I thanked him, handed him a few small coins that he took with a bow and ran off. I turned to Tyson.

"I guess this means you'll have to finish kicking my butt later." I pushed his chest before venturing off towards the Summit.

 _Meanwhile in the throne room of the Heda..._

I had been restless all morning with the thought of seeing Clarke today. My duties as Heda had kept me away from the blonde for many weeks, though nothing inside me was able to resist thinking of her in the late hours of the night during my travels to the neighboring villages. While I was in Arkadia, all the people and their technology only reminded me of her. I swallowed hard and went to sit in my throne. I rested my face in my hands, sweat pouring out of my skin.

It had been exactly three days since I had fallen ill, and it had grown worse with each passing minute. No one but my personal servant and the Flame Keeper Titus knew I was not well. I did not want to risk the news I was ill to travel to the Ice Nation and the Ice Queen herself. To be weakened would mean putting Polis in danger of an attack.

I jumped out of my throne when the doors to the room opened and in came Clarke. She looked much different since I had last seen her. Her arms and legs had been toned, her hair pulled back into a ponytail with curls and braids, and she wore the clothes of my people. I frowned when I saw dry blood on her bottom lip.

"Leave us." I commanded the guards. They bowed and left, closing the doors behind them. I sank back into my throne. Clarke did not hesitate to walk up to me and dip her head in greeting.

"Heda. You sent for me?" I thought carefully over my choice of words.

"Yes. I wished to know how you are adjusting to life here in Polis. Are you content?" I questioned. She relaxed slightly.

"I'm enjoying myself very much, thank you. I've been training with Tyson and some healers for the past few weeks. The medicine and healing part isn't so hard, it's the training with Tyson I believe I'm struggling a bit with. Which explains the busted lip." She admitted with a rub to the back of her head. I allowed myself to smile despite the pain I was feeling.

"What about you, Lexa? How are things going here in the Summit?" She asked.

"Things are well. Peace has been achieved, though for how long I am unsure. All that matters right this moment is that it was achieved in the first place, am I correct?" She nodded, then stepped closer with a concerned expression.

"You didn't just call me here to talk about my life the past few weeks and politics, did you?" It was like Clarke to see right through my small talk. I sighed.

"No. I want to keep this between us, if you do not mind. I believe I have come down with a sickness, and I would like you to see if there is something you can do for me. Usually I would use my personal healer but I do not wish to have many people know about this, it is vital my health is kept secret for reasons we both know." She came forth and placed her hand on my forehead. I froze at the touch. She then went to work without another word. She checked my pulse, my eyes, and had be cough while her hand was pressed to my chest. If it were not for my sickness, the repeated contact with her skin would have made me jump.

"I think you're running a fever. How long have you been sweating like this?" She washed out a rag in the bowl beside me and placed it on my forehead, holding it there with her hand. I thought over the last week.

"I believe a couple of days, but I could be wrong." I shuddered at the cold rag. She gently rubbed some hair back from my face.

"You need to rest. You should have told me you were this sick. I think it's just a cold from the weather change but just to be safe, you need to rest in bed so the fever doesn't get worse." I grunted at those words. She continued, "I know you hate being confined to your room but if you want to get better you need to take it slow and try to not do as much physical activity. We don't want this getting worse." I looked her for a few moments in the eye, looking for some way I could possibly get out of the order. When I saw no break, I gave in and nodded. Clarke took the rag from my head and took my hand to help me stand up.

"Come on, let's get you to your room. I'll make sure you're not bothered the rest of the day and night." We walked down the hall to my room. I had just remembered that Clarke had never been in my room when she pushed open the doors.

The room was softly lit with candles flickering with their small beads of light. My armor and choice weapons were on display in a small open closet on one side of the room beside my sitting area, my bed on the other side, the door to my washroom to the side of that. Clarke led me to the bed and had me sit down.

"Go ahead and get changed into comfier clothes so you can get in bed. I'm not kidding, Lexa, you need your rest so you can get out there and continue your duties as soon as possible." I grunted for the second time that evening and made my way to my dresser to pick out some night clothes. I settled with the shirt and pants I wore occasionally. Realizing that Clarke was still standing there, I excused myself to my washroom to change. It was not the right time for her to see me without clothes, whether I was sick or not.

With me changed and crawling into bed, Clarke put out some of the candles and came over to the side of my bed.

"I'll check on you again tomorrow. I'll ask the healers what they use for colds and tell them I'm starting to feel under the weather so I can bring some to you, okay?" She smiled and began walking towards the door. I could not stop myself.

"Clarke, will you stay for a bit longer?" She paused at the door, glanced at me, and back to the door. I held my breath, thinking that she would rather excuse herself than stay here. I readied myself for rejection.

"I'll stay for a little bit. I don't think I'm needed at the healers' tent for another hour." She came over and pulled up a chair beside my bed. I sighed in relief. For a bit we sat in complete silence before I broke it first.

"What was space like? Was it that much different from here on Earth?" She grinned and leaned back in the chair.

"Oh gosh, yes. I remember this one time..." She began speaking about how she attended school on the Ark and what everything sounded and looked like. I listened to the best of my ability before my eyes slowly became too heavy to hold open. I fell asleep listening to the sweet sound of the space girl's voice.

 _Back in Clarke's mind..._

I waited until Lexa fell asleep to stop talking about the Ark. She had listened for about twenty minutes until her eyes fell closed and never opened again. When I made sure her breathing was leveled, signaling that she was asleep, I got up and slipped out of the room.

With Lexa sick I had to be careful to make sure no news made it to the Ice Queen. I knew that was the reason the Heda had waited to tell anyone she was sick. She also probably thought it would go away within a few days. I cursed at her stubbornness as I headed out of the Summit and to my own room. My room had been personalized to fit my liking since I would be living there for a while. Lexa and I had discussed maybe moving me to my own home in the city, but it hadn't really made it past the simple conversation about the matter. I didn't care either way.

I stripped off my dirty clothes from the training session and went to observe the damage to my lip. It didn't look bad, so I simply wiped it clean, then headed to the bath. Ezra no longer served me due to the fact she was a servant that jumped around the Summit tending the needs to actual guests and since I was technically a permanent resident, she didn't come to my room anymore. I still made an effort to see her as often as I could, the girl had quickly become one of my closest friends.

After my bath and went to my bed and climbed in under the covers. Despite the cold breeze and air that came through the window on the far side of the room, the furs on the bed kept me warm and comfortable. It wasn't long then that my eyes drifted closed and my thoughts ceased.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke with a start the next morning. The temperature of the room had grown immensely colder, reminding me that the harshness of winter was coming our way the next few days. I skipped my bath and just threw my hair up in a ponytail, then got dressed in an outfit consisting of mainly furs and leather with a hood to cover my ears should I go outside.

The guards and servants dipped their heads in greeting as I walked to Lexa's room. I opened the doors to find the Heda still fast asleep, very unusual and unexpected of her if I knew better that she was ill. I closed the doors and went over to her bed, putting my hand on her head to check her temperature. Her forehead was still warm but not near as hot and covered with sweat as it was yesterday. I sat down in the same chair I had put by her bedside the previous night and reached for her hand. Lexa's body flinched a little and I stopped, thinking maybe I woke her. When she showed no other signs of being awake, I took her hand in my mine and traced the outline of some scars that danced across her skin. I lost track of time as I sat there in silence, caressing the skin of the Commander's hand. It felt like hours when a raspy voice broke the morning stillness.

"What are you doing here so early?" I jumped and looked up to see cloudy green eyes staring right at me. I didn't bother to let go of her hand.

"How long have you been awake?" I asked. She shrugged.

"Only for a few minutes." She sat up slowly, a slight cough escaping her lips as she rubbed her arms. "I can see it has become colder since last night." I nodded and went over to her window, shoving the sliding glass doors closed to keep some of the cold out, then came back over to the bed. Lexa watched my every move.

"How did you sleep?" She stretched a bit, giving me a slight shiver with the noise that she made.

"I slept rather well, thank you. I am feeling much better today, however I am still feeling weak." She coughed again.

"Yeah, that's to be expected the next few days after the fever you had. I'm glad you're feeling better though. I just wanted to stop by before I headed out for the healer's place. I didn't go last night like I should have." Lexa nodded then looked up at me.

"Thank you for staying with me last night until I fell asleep. It was nice to hear stories about your past life in space. Perhaps I could hear more?" I bit my lip before answering.

"I don't see why not. I'll come check on you again around lunch time." As I backed up to head out the door, Lexa's hand found its place on my cheek. She kept her eyes locked with mine as she rubbed my cheek with her thumb.

"Have a good day, Clarke. Thank you for taking care of me." Her hand dropped and she lay back down, her back to me. I stood there for a moment before I eventually left the room.

"Where were you yesterday? We were expecting you to come in last night." Rin said. I glanced up from my work to see the healer staring down at me. I sighed.

"I had a meeting with our Heda. It went a bit longer than I thought. Sorry." She grunted then walked over to where a kid was sitting, waiting to get some stitches out. I continued with bandaging the arm of a lady who had come in that morning.

With all the work in the tent done, Rin and I sat down to enjoy a break while watching kids run back and forth in the streets with a ball.

"Hey, Rin?" I began. Her signature grunt let me know I had her attention. "Why didn't you ever get married and have kids?" The older woman looked at me.

"Some people are just meant to be alone. I never met someone who I felt I would be happy with for the remainder of my life. I am content in what I do. My service is to my Heda." She chuckled. "How about you, Sky Girl? Has some lucky man caught your eye?"

I pondered on the thought a bit. No man in Arkadia nor Polis had ever made me feel as if I would like to get to know them more than just friends. Then again, my thoughts drifted to the Commander. I never gave much thought if I would like to spend my life with Lexa, since there seemed to be no romantic feelings between us. That is, until this morning when I was content holding her hand and until I felt a spark when her thumb caressed my cheek. Or perhaps the kiss that was shared between us in her war tent. I chewed on my bruised lip, that day seemed like years ago. I heard Rin clear her throat.

"Ah, I see. Someone indeed has caught your eye. Care to share with an old woman such as myself?" I shook my head. It wouldn't be a good idea to tell her a was slightly smitten by her Heda.

"No. There's no one. I mean, there used to be but not anymore." I hated lying to Rin but to protect Lexa was my first thought. She seemed satisfied with that answer, because soon the conversation was dropped and we slipped back into comfortable silence.

Lunch came quickly and soon I was heading up the Summit to check on Lexa. At first I didn't see Lexa but then when I turned to leave she came out of the bathroom. Her hair was wet from her bath and fresh clothes covered her body. She gave me a slight smile when she saw me standing in her doorway.

"Right on time. How has your day been so far?" Her voice sounded tired. I came over to her and pretended to check her temperature but really all I wanted was to feel her soft skin beneath my fingertips. After playing with her hand this morning, touching her felt like an addicting drug.

"It was very busy. Lots of people needing medical attention but no serious injuries. How about you? Did you sleep most of the morning?"

"A little. I have mainly been reading over on my couch. One can only lay in bed for so long before they become restless." She walked over to her couch and took a seat, an opened book beside her. The afternoon light made her hair shine and her skin more so. I swallowed and went to join her, but with a few inches in between us. We both decided we were hungry and had some servants bring lunch to the room. We ate a filling meal with bread, cheese, and hog meat with water to chase it all down. After our meal was finished, we sat together and enjoyed the afternoon in silence. Lexa read her book and I took up drawing her. Occasionally we spoke but mostly we sat quietly, simply enjoying each others company.

Hours past before I noticed Lexa had dosed off. I smiled and quickly flipped to a new page so I could quickly sketch her. It wasn't often that Lexa looked so delicate and soft, quietly dosing the afternoon away. With my sketch complete, I simply sat and gazed upon her. Her face was clear of war paint and any type of blemish, lips slightly pursed as she slept, eyes slowly moving under her eyelids. I wanted to reach out and run my fingers through her thick, brown hair. Before I could, however, I jumped up and walked across the room.

No, this wasn't right. I still hadn't completely forgiven Lexa for what she did at the mountain. I couldn't accept that I was feeling this way towards her. I looked back over to where Lexa was sleeping on the couch. My heart gave a little jerk when she gave out a slight moan in her sleep. Adorable. No... No... I couldn't take this. I had to get out of there.

I raced to the door way, but just when I was reaching for the door-handle, I heard a slight whisper come from the other side of the room.

"Where are you going?" Lexa's eyes were halfway open, looking straight at me. I felt a chill down my spine as I quickly thought up a lie.

"I was just going out for some fresh air. I didn't want to wake you. I'll come back in a little bit, okay?" She stared at me for a few moments, then her eyes slowly shut once more. I slipped out the door.

It had been hours since I left Lexa's room. After I had stopped by my room for my sword and hood, I exited the Summit and wounded down the streets of Polis and headed straight for the south gates. The guards barely glanced my way when I walked passed them and out into the woods. I adjusted the sword on my back, thrust my hands in my pockets, and started stomping through the undergrowth.

I had found a small clearing about a mile from Polis where I stopped to take a breath. There I sat listening to the rustling of the leaves and the soft chirping of the birds. Thinking I was alone, I began to cry.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I grabbed my sword and pointed it at the direction of the voice. There stood Octavia, someone I hadn't seen since the ceremony almost a month ago. She had dark war paint streaks down her face, hair in tight braids that showed the broadness of her face, her outfit all dark green armor padding complete with gloves and knee-high war boots. She swatted at the end of my sword. "Calm down. I was just passing through and saw you blubbering like a baby by a tree." She plopped down in front of me, took out a small sack and withdrew two apples, one which she handed to me. I nodded a thank you as I took a bite.

"Why are you coming through Trikru territory? I thought you were home in Arkadia?" She shook her head with an expression of disgust.

"You're not the only one that doesn't belong there, you know. I haven't been there for about two weeks. Lincoln and I have taken up residence in a village nearby." I chewed on my apple a bit, rolling the information around in my head.

"So you're not Skikru anymore?" She glared at me then returned to looking away into the distance.

"I'm not anything. I'm simply Octavia. You never answered my question. Why are you out here crying like a baby?" I thought if I should tell her the truth. Octavia and I had never been close friends and someone as unstable as herself couldn't be trusted with secrets most of the time. Then again, who did I have to talk to about something like crushing on the Commander of the Grounders? I took a deep breath and made my decision.

"I think I might be falling for Lexa." Octavia raised an eyebrow.

"So? What's the big deal?" She huffed.

"You know as well as I do that the Heda isn't allowed to have affections for anyone. I don't want to put her in danger. Everyone knows the peace we have at the moment is not exactly permanent." I stated. Octavia gave me a long blank stare and then, to my surprise, smiled.

"And you know as well as I do that falling for a grounder in general is a terrible idea, yet here we are." She spread out her hands and then continued, "Look. We all know that the Commander has feelings for you, even if she doesn't want to show it. Times are difficult, yes, but they're never going to get better so why try seeking out a way to make it all better? If anything, being with the Heda will make her safer. She fights hard for the people she loves, I've seen it. Indra has told me stories of Lexa going all berserk when people she cares for are threatened. You might just awaken a dead fire inside of her. Goodness knows, we could use a Commander that has a fire burning deep in her stomach." She finished and stood up, reaching for my hand. I hesitated, then took it, standing up with Octavia studying me.

"I'm not saying run back and sleep with her, I'm just saying maybe you should give her a chance. I did that with Lincoln and well... I couldn't be any happier. He's my other half. I don't really care for Lexa after what she did at the mountain but then again, we've all done things we're not proud of and blaming her for doing what was right for her people would be selfish of us. After all, we burned most of her people when we first landed here because we thought it would be the best for our people and she forgave you for that." She patted my shoulder before pulling her bag on her shoulder and heading off in the direction she was originally going.

"Hey, Octavia?" She stopped and turned around. "It was good seeing you." She looked at the ground, then looked up with a smirk.

"Bye, Clarke." With that, the girl was gone.

 _In the Heda's Chambers..._

I woke again to find Clarke still gone. She had not returned after she told me she was going outside to get fresh air. I was highly curious where she went off to and why she did not return to my room, but I did not want to pressure her. It was not like I had any claim over what Clarke did and I did not want her to feel as if I was being too overbearing. I sighed and moved off the couch to go stand by the window. The sun had started its descend signaling the ending of the day. Wherever the Sky Girl was, I hoped she was safe and within Polis' walls.

A knock on the door told me the servant bringing my dinner had arrived. I told her to enter, and after a few moments I had a full dinner spread out on my table in the room. My stomach growled in hunger when the smell of freshly smoked meat reached my nose. I sat and started eating, hoping my stomach would be able to handle the food. I was feeling much better, but my body was still feeling slightly weak and tired. Regardless, I told myself, I had to return to my duties tomorrow. I had taken two days off from my people and that was two days too long for me.

I finished eating and decided that I would take a walk around the floor I lived on. I had made a promise to Clarke that I would not leave the Summit, so I made sure to stay close to my room. However, after a few minutes of walking I found myself in my throne room. I had not expected what I saw when I walked into the room. There, sitting on my throne was Clarke, her head resting in her hands. I took a breath then started to walk slowly towards her, not wanting to startle her.

"I was not aware that when you meant fresh air you meant my throne room. If that was the case, I would have looked here hours ago." Her face glanced up at mine and my heart and feet froze. Her eyes were puffy as if she had been crying, her hair around her face sticking to the sides of her cheeks. I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Clarke, are you okay? What is the matter?" She wiped her face.

"I was just thinking over some stuff. Nothing too serious. I actually did go outside today for a walk but I ended up here when I came back. I didn't know if you were still asleep or not." I kept my distance from her as I came up the steps leading to my throne and sat down on the top step. I made sure my body was far enough from her legs.

"What are you thinking about? Is there anything I could help with? Perhaps I could summon Ezra?" I knew that Clarke had a close friendship with the servant girl and if that would make her feel better speaking to her instead of me, I would call for the servant. Clarke shook her head.

"No, it's okay. I actually was wondering if I could talk to you. It kind of involves you." I waited patiently for her to continue. "I feel like I have been pushing you away these last few weeks. For a time, I was still horribly furious with you after what you did at Mt. Weather. I wanted to hate you, but I couldn't bring myself to do that... Today I ran into Octavia and we talked for a while about you, about us." My jaw clenched when I sensed where this was going. "I know that I'm not ready for anything. I don't know if I want to be with anyone right now, I've already told you that. I also know that it's not something normal for the Heda to have someone they're close with but, if you're willing, I want to try maybe starting something." She looked into my eyes. "I know how you feel about me, Lexa, and I don't want you to have to pretend anything different. I'm not saying I feel the same way all together but, I'm willing to try if you are. Maybe just starting slow and see where we end up. It could be secret too if that's what you wish. What do you think?" Tears were streaking down her face again.

I stood up and starting pacing around the room, Clarke's eyes were locked on me the whole time. I tried thinking about all the possibilities about being with Clarke or even having a close relationship with her. I knew what I had been trained to think and how to live, but I also knew that times were different and Clarke was here to stay. I did not want to think about what could happen to her if people were to find out my feelings for the Sky Girl, but I also did not want to think about having to pretend for another day that there was nothing in my heart for her. I stopped pacing and looked over at Clarke, who was still in the same position as before, looking at me with those bright blue eyes. Looking into those eyes was like cliff-diving into the ocean, free and alive but also reckless and full of unknown territory. I walked over to her and softly, but firmly reached down and placed my hand under her jawbone and lifted her head up. I could feel her swallow against my hand.

"I do know how I feel for you, Clarke. You are different from your people and even from my own people. I can never make up for what happened at Mt. Weather, but I can promise that I will never betray you again. I swore fealty to you, after all. I do not think that it is a good idea we are together publicly for now until our people are more used to being united and the Ice Queen is dealt with but.. I would like to get to know you, Clarke. More than I have so far."

Clarke stood up, wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close. I had never hugged her before but I instantly felt alive and warm with peace. Her head ended up on my chest with my chin resting on her head. We held each other for quite some time until Clarke pulled away first. Her ocean-filled eyes blinked up at my forest green ones.

"May I kiss you, Heda?" She whispered. With my heart racing, I nodded before slowly pressing our lips together. Suddenly my body felt like I could fly into the heavens, like I could take down a thousand armies single-handily, like I could break through even the strongest of walls, all for the girl I now held close in my arms. Her lips felt like soft flower peddles that had just witnessed a light drizzle of rain. My hand reached around and cupped her face, keeping our kiss soft and tender. I did not want to scare her with any type of harshness. She felt fragile in my hands, breakable, and impossibly addicting under my touch. Our lips fitted together perfectly like two pieces to a puzzle. As soon as it started, we drifted apart, noses brushing lightly together. I could feel her smile under my touch.

"This is a great start to getting to know each other, wouldn't you say?" I could not hold back a chuckle as I pressed my lips to hers for our second kiss.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hey everyone! Terribly sorry for the long wait for this chapter. I had told you it would be a slow process :p Anyway, I would like y'all to know that I am playing around with the** _ **Trigedasleng**_ **language and I plan to use it more often as I get comfortable with it, as I have found a website that has common phrases and words I can use. Nerdy, I know. Don't expect it to be fluent always, but I promise I will be working hard so I can deliver! Another note, I am planning on changing the title of this work since the current title I have is WAY overused and I would like something more… unique. If you have any suggestions for the title based on what you have read so far, don't hesitate to message me and share! Without further interruptions, here is Chapter Five of Love is Not Weakness!**

"Again." I huffed in frustration as I pushed my body past its exhaustion point and arched my shoulder with sword pointed at Tyson, throwing all my weight in the lunge towards my trainer. Our swords collided with a sharp ringing sound. He didn't hesitate his counter attack, knocking my sword from my hand and kicking my leg out from under me sending me down to the earth. I landed with a grunt. He went to kick my side, but before he could get close enough I took one of my legs and swept it under his standing foot, causing him to crash down just as I did moments before. I took this opportunity to scramble upward and grab both our swords. He smiled widely as I pointed both weapons at his chest.

"Well done, Wanheda. You are learning quickly." I let out a puff of air then leaned down to give him a helping hand.

"What can I say, I have a great teacher." He chuckled, reaching out for his sword. I slid it into his hand, returning my own back into its sheath strapped across my back. As I dusted the earth off my shirt and pants, I heard clapping coming from the stands to my right. I couldn't contain my smile when my eyes landed on Lexa. She wore tight leather pants and a black t-shirt with her Heda cape draped across her right shoulder. No war makeup was present, just her dazzling green eyes shining brightly against the midday sunlight. She stood from where she sat and walked over to me, my smile mirrored on her face.

"Tyson must be a good teacher. Who would have thought that you would be moving as a _Trikru seken_ so quickly?" She praised. I bowed my head respectfully.

"Thank you, _Heda_. I train hard so that one day I may join in the fights to protect our people." She took a cloth out of her pocket and began wiping dried blood off my arm from where I fell. I tried to keep my breath steady.

"How has everything been today? No peace council meetings?" She shrugged.

"None today. We have a break for the ambassadors for two days, then we will resume in our work to keep the peace across the lands. For now, I walk amongst my people, giving them encouragement as they do their daily tasks." It made my heart warm to think of Lexa walking around Polis all day for the soul fact of giving her people something to smile about. Even in time of peace, many people were still full of worry and wonder if another war will arise out of the shadows that line the peace.

She finished cleaning off my arm, put her rag away, and together we walked out of the training grounds into the main streets of Polis. At this time of day there were many people out and around, children playing, traders showing off their goods, soldiers walking about keeping quarrels down and settling arguments. We continued our walk in silence, Lexa only speaking when someone addressed her. I allowed myself to relax and simply enjoy my surroundings. We were nearing the city's main market square when a child came bounding up to Lexa, head bowed low and hands behind her back. She spoke to Lexa in a breathy yet excited voice.

" _Heda_ , I made something for you! A gift for you as a thank you for keeping our city safe." She brought her arms from behind her back, and in her hands rested a beautifully carved, wooden dagger. It had markings of leaves carved into the wooden handle, silver shinning around the sharp edges. The little girl beamed as she presented her gift to her Commander. I watched in awe as Lexa sank to her knees in front of the little girl, her hands reaching for the girl's.

"A wonderfully made dagger, _goufa_. I can see your skill in your work. Keep adding to your skill and one day you will be making armor for your warriors and weapons for your protectors." Lexa praised. The child had tears in her eyes as she brought Lexa's hands to her mouth and wetted them with a kiss. After another bow, the girl ran off in the direction she came. Lexa stood, holding the dagger closely.

"I do what must be done to protect the lives of those that cannot protect themselves. That _goufa,_ child, Clarke, is a reason I must make hard choices and carry out the meaning of _Heda_." She spoke without looking at me, pocketing the dagger. I stood frozen in place, my mind racing. My heart was beating loudly in my chest, threatening to burst from its holding place. I craved the touch of Lexa's hand, but I knew better than to try anything intimate in public. Instead, I shoved my hands in my pockets and followed her as she led the way into the market square, the sounds of people shouting praise to their _Heda_ ringing in my ears.

 _In the mind of Lexa… Later that afternoon…_

I twirled the dagger the young girl had made me in between my fingers as I sat upon my throne. The day was close to being over, night creeping up on the people of Polis. I glanced over from where I sat to the far-left corner, admiring Clarke as she was reclining in a chair, reading. I thoroughly enjoyed evenings such as this, where peace was in abundance and I had the Sky Girl by my side. With her in my mind, I also thought what Titus, my advisor and the _Fleimkepa_ of my people, had said when he noticed I was growing closer to Clarke. _Hodnes laik kwelness, love is weakness._ I gritted my teeth in my utter annoyance. How could I keep myself from falling for this girl that fell from the sky? The one that was winning my heart day after day? Living as _Heda_ was to be alone. I followed that teaching from the first day I had learned I was a _natblida,_ Night Blood. Clarke must have sensed my discomfort, her eyes now on me with head slightly cocked to the side.

"Is something wrong, Lexa?" Her voice was full of concern. I hesitated, should I share what was on my mind? What my inner thoughts contemplated? I eventually shook my head.

" _No, Klark._ I am fine. My thoughts wonder free, that is all." I attempted to comfort the girl. She did not seem convinced; however, she did not press the matter further. We both slightly jumped when the doors to my throne room were flung open, Titus hurryingly approaching my throne. He bowed low, then spoke in an urgent voice that had me on full alert.

"Heda, we have received word that _Skaikru_ need their ambassador immediately." Clarke shot out of her seat.

"What's going on? Are they okay?" Clarke questioned, her crystal eyes clouded with worry. Titus slowly turned his head in her direction but never met her gaze.

"They have found an illness in their camp, one that your mother says she has never seen before and is unsure what it could mean. They have witnessed two deaths from the sickness, people called Harper and David. She requests that you be sent to help diagnose the sickness since you have more experience with diseases from Earth." He calmly explained. Clarke's hands were shaking and her eyes filled with tears. I rose to my feet, addressing Titus.

"Leave us." I ordered. Titus seemed to be questioning whether to leave, so I hardened my eyes, glaring him down until he got the point that it was not a request. He got the message, hastily rising to his feet and exiting the room. With the room once again empty, I stepped down from my throne and slowly approached Clarke, taking her hands in mine. She snapped out of her trance and met my eyes, tiny tears escaping to run down her cheeks. Without giving myself time to think, I leaned forward and kissed each tear away. I felt her shake under my touch, either from the crying or my lips brushing against her skin. She sank into my chest, arms wrapping around my waist to pull me closer. I returned the gesture.

" _Klark,_ you must go to _Arkadia._ They need your healing experience that you have gained in Polis. I can send my fastest escorts to ensure your safety." I whispered. I did not want her to leave, but with her response to the news, one of those people who died was someone she knew closely. She leaned back to look at me.

"Are you sure? We could send another healer… One that has more experience than myself." She suggested, her tears now dry. I shook my head.

"They requested you. Besides, this will be a good time for you to visit your friends and your mother. It has been quite some time since you have been to your old home." My voice started to shake as I said the next statement. "If I send you, though, will you return?"

My heart skipped a beat when lips met mine. My hands rose to cup Clarke's face, holding her steady in my grasp. Her tongue brushed my lips, requesting entrance. When I granted her entry, a slight moan escaped my throat when our tongues met and danced in harmony. I knew this was a dangerous game we were playing, but for just that moment I wanted something more than the life of _Heda._ I wanted Clarke. I wanted her to know that I did care about what was happening with her people, and no matter the situation she was about to enter, I wanted to be her rock.

Her hands tangled themselves in my hair, causing yet another unhuman like sound to come from the depths of my cravings. My hands left her face, tracing down her shoulders, sides, coming to rest on her hips. I gave her a tight squeeze, earning a hiss out of her mouth and into my own. Our kiss deepened, desire pumping through our veins and controlling our every movement. As quickly as it all started, however, it ended with Clarke pulling away and resting her forehead against mine. Her breathing was heavy.

"Lexa… I can't, not now." I nodded against her forehead.

"A moment we shall save for a possible return." I choked out. My emotions were out of control, a situation so rare for me that I had no idea how gain it all back under my control.

"I will return, I promise." Somehow, I knew that promise would be kept.

At early sunrise, the following day, I awaited Clarke to do her last check over the supplies that were packed and make sure everyone was present. I had commanded that two of my best guards, my best healer, the servant girl Ezra, and one of the top hunters accompany her to Arkadia. Once everything was accounted for, she turned to me.

" _Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim, Heda."_ She dipped her head then mounted her horse. With one last glance, the guards led the company through the gates of Polis and out into the woods. My eyes burned, but I could not show how much my heart ached watching the blonde hair quickly bound out of my view, her last words still ringing in my ears. _May we meet again, Commander._

 _Two hours later with Clarke…_

It had been two hours since I left Polis. My nerves were a jumbled mess with the knowledge of knowing I would be seeing my mother and the others in less than an hour. I wasn't sure how I felt about returning to Arkadia and not being with Lexa for an unknown amount of time, but I knew it was my responsibility as the ambassador for my people to return when needed. My thoughts drifted to what I could possibly be facing with this illness. Would I know what to do and what the illness was? Nothing inside of me was sure.

The head guard held up his palm, signaling our halt for a rest. Relief washed over me as I dismounted my steed. My butt had grown numb from the ride, though I knew I couldn't be as tired as Ezra, who was made to walk the whole trip so far. She approached me with a dip to the head.

"How was the ride, Wanheda? Would you like something to drink?" I could tell in her strained voice that she was tired from jogging behind the horses. It frustrated me that the servants were not allowed to ride a horse but must follow on foot. I took this as an opportunity to give her a chance to rest.

"How about I get us both a drink, huh?" She gave me a wide toothy smile then joined me as I headed towards the hunter with the canteens.

After everyone was given a fair share to drink away the sandpaper that had formed in our mouths, the guards took a stand while the remainder of us sat together in the grass. The hunter boy, Zano, scooted closer to me. He couldn't have been older than fifteen, shaggy brown hair pulled back in a tight braided ponytail. He had kind eyes that gave off a comforting hazelnut glow.

"Tell me, Wanheda, what is your home like?" His voice was raspy, but smooth.

"Polis is my home. _Arkadia_ used to be though. In fact, I have lived there my whole life, even before it came to the ground. When we lived in space it was more like a container than a home. Earth… Earth is home." I whispered. It was true, even before I knew of the wonders that Earth held, _Arkadia_ never seemed like home to me. Zano began drawing in the dirt, silence flowing over us. It wasn't long before the head guard had everyone packing up the supplies and starting the trip once more. I gave a slight huff of exhaustion then mounted my horse that Ezra brought over to me. With everyone in formation, we continued towards _Arkadia._

 _In Arkadia with Abby…_

"I can't believe you have Clarke coming back here." Raven spat. I shook my head in annoyance. Though, I couldn't blame the mechanic for being so closed off from the idea of my daughter returning for a visit. It had been weeks since Clarke had been in _Arkadia_ and because of her new established life in _Polis,_ many of _Skaikru_ were no longer fond of her. They felt as if she had abandoned them.

I tore my eyes from the front gate of the village and glanced over at Raven. The girl had been through much since her landing over a year ago, the weariness and distrust gleaming in her darkened eyes. She stood with arms crossed against her chest and head slightly cocked to the side, her frown sending clear signals of her disapproval of Clarke's return. I released a sigh and patted her shoulder.

"Raven, I know that it's hard for all of you to accept her back, but you know she cares about you. All of you. She's doing what she knows best and that's doing what is best for our people." She shrugged my hand off her shoulder and limbed away with jaw clenched in hidden frustration. I did nothing except watch the young crimpled mechanic disappear into the _Ark._

"Don't worry, Abby. She'll come around, just like the others." I didn't have to turn around to know it was Kane speaking. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close. I allowed my body to lean back against his embrace.

"It's so hard for her, I know. I just wish she would see that we need Clarke here to figure out what this illness could be. She has training from _Polis,_ she'll know more than I do." Was that true, though? Did I really have to rely on my daughter yet again to save our people? It didn't seem fair for her, but it was my fault that she came to Earth alone in the first place.

Before Kane could reply, one of the guards from the watch tower shouted that someone was approaching the gates. Kane and I jogged over the front entrance to the camp and signaled for the gate to open. With a bit of a squeaky scream, the gates swung open, revealing a small band of Grounders. They all seemed young, yet the weapons resting on their hips and backs gave me the impression they were not to be underestimated. In the middle of the travelers riding on a black horse was a blonde Grounder. She wore a stoic expression, sword strapped against her back, hair expertly braided down to flow over her shoulders, showing off her sharp cheekbones. She rode in with confidence, the Grounders surrounding her parted to give me space to approach her. I looked up and met her icy blue gaze. I swallowed.

"Hello, Clarke. Welcome home."


End file.
